Are You Listening?
Article by Rebecca Morgan
John Scully, former Apple Computer CEO, was asked by a reporter, "If you could change your title from Chief Executive Officer, what would you change it to?" He replied, "Chief Listener."
Tom Peters says, "The highest compliment you can pay a customer is to listen." Someone once told me, "Most of us are compulsive talkers and selective listeners. We need to be compulsive listeners and selective talkers."
We all know that listening is important. But if we know it is so important, why don't we listen better?
Often we take others in our life for granted. We think we know what they're going to say. For example, consider the people you live with - your partner, your parents or your children. How do you listen to them? Now remember when you were first dating that special person in your life. I remember when I first dated my husband. I hung on his every word. He was fascinating. He was so intelligent. He knew so much. He was enthralling. Do you remember such a time? Do you listen the same way now? I work on it every day so I won't take him for granted and tune him out.
Listening well means showing people you're listening. In fact, you can tell when someone is listening. Remember what your parents always said: "Look at me when I'm talking to you." Your body language shows your listening level.
However, some people are good at masking their disinterest. They make eye contact, nod and say "uh huh," even though they're not really listening. Their porch light is on, but nobody's home.
Another reason people don't listen well is because of biases and prejudices. I'm not proud to admit that I've allowed biases to get in the way of listening at times. I became acutely aware of this one day, when my then 15-year-old stepson, Alex, came home with an orange mohawk. When he spoke I worked hard to focus on his face, and ignore the distraction of the orange spikes on his head. I brought my attention back to his face, tried to listen, and was distracted again by his skeleton earring.
I realised that I had an opinion about young men who have punk haircuts that live in my house. It didn't bother me that his friends had green, purple, and bright red hair. It didn't even bother me that his girlfriend had a matching haircut! But it did bother me that this young man, living in my house, did. I saw a prejudice that I hadn't seen before.
We all have prejudices. We may not like someone's clothes, make up, speech patterns, or haircut. Yet we need to strive to listen to them fully. Listening is a critical skill for success. It's not an easy skill to acquire. We can all improve our listening. I hope you see the value in becoming the Chief Listener in your life.
© Copyright Rebecca Morgan. Reproduced with permission.
www.rebeccamorgan.com